


I'll Be Your Mirror

by Spikey01



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, murven - Freeform, psychotic mechanic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 04:45:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3715528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spikey01/pseuds/Spikey01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Atop the silent mountain, the sun slowly rising, Murphy and Raven each took solace in the mutual, but unspoken, agreement to ignore the world just for this moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Radio

It being a task Raven had set herself, no one was aware she had left camp. She was on extremely high alert. Past the boundaries of the sentries, in an area she didn’t know well - the top of the mountainside that encased their valley - she had to admit she was worried. Her worry was making her jumpy, and was very close to snowballing into real fear. It was before dawn, a great time to slip under the radar at camp, a terrible time if there was some kind of grounder surveillance or scouts around. In a perfect world, being out in these woods at this time would have been an awe inspiring moment. The clean, crisp air, vibrating with the collaborative sounds of millions of insects moving about, the birds rustling, overlooking the valley and the forests surrounding. It was not yet light but it wasn’t dark either. The morning fog beginning to lift was like a veil revealing a beautiful artwork. It was something money couldn’t buy, something engineers couldn’t design. Unfortunately, it was also a war zone. Raven moved as silently as she could with her brace, up a hill; it was slow work. Nearing the top, a sound shattered the peace she had been so carefully moving through. A cough. Whipping her head in that direction, listening and staring intently, she found the origin.

_Murphy._

He was slumped against a huge tree. Legs sprawled in front, looking out across the mountain range, drinking from a grimy bottle.  
No doubt Monty had provided its contents. She disregarded her efforts at silence and crashed her way up to his spot.  
“Why the hell are you out here?” Raven asked.  
“Because it’s beautiful.” He answered in a toneless voice.  
“What is?” said Raven, looking around. Murphy didn’t reply.  
“Why aren’t you at camp? You could have been taken by grounders!”  
“Not like anyone cares about either of those two things.” Murphy shot back, his snark returning.  
“Please, I’m not interested in a pity party. I’ve got better things to do.”  
“What are you doing out here, alone… A valuable member of society like yourself?”  
“None of your business.” She replied. “You’re an engineer.” Murphy stated.  
“Really? That’s great! I never realised!” She replied with sarcasm.  
“You’re engineering,” his slurred speech mirroring his slow brain, putting the pieces together. “You’re on high ground. A radio?” Said Murphy, looking up at her now. Raven was a little annoyed.  
“It’s not a radio.” It’s not like it was some huge secret in the first place, but when he put it that way it was fairly obvious, even if she had gone to the lengths she had to keep her idea quiet. Anyway, it wasn’t a radio but it did involve radio waves. _He doesn’t have to know that._  
“Have you been out here all night?” she asked, diverting his attention.  
“Why, you worried?” he winked.  
“Ugh, you’re disgusting.” She hobbled off, looking for a place to attach her crudely-built sensor. Shaking her head, she saw a fairly sturdy tree joint to lodge the sensor. Finally, the problem she had anticipated but had stubbornly refused to acknowledge until now: how she was going to get up there.  
Murphy.  
She rolled her eyes and sighed.  
“Hey. You.” she yelled in Murphy’s direction. He grunts in reply.  
“Get up, I need your body.” _ugh_ , she mentally cringed at her own words, _why did I say it like that_.  
“‘Bout time,” he said, making to unzip his pants.  
“Don’t be a fucking idiot, c’mere please, lend me a hand.” Raven asked.  
He pushed himself up, with what appeared to be great effort, and made his way to the tree. “So you needed my, ah, body?” he said, leaning against the trunk and waggling his eyebrows.  
“Drop it already. Can you try to cram this,” she handed him the metal sensor, “into that ‘Y’ in the tree?”  
Murphy followed the direction of her pointing arm.  
“You realise I’ve been up all night?”  
“Yeah.”  
“And I didn’t want to say this before but…” he said in mock-whisper tones, “I’m completely intoxicated.”  
“No shit. Now quit stalling and get up the tree.”  
Murphy started to climb, the tree was twisted and gnarled, making it not too difficult to make his way upward.  
While trying to lodge the sensor, he fumbled, immediately falling to the ground, landing flat on his back. Wincing, he searched for the thing that was causing sharp pain under his shoulder blade. The sensor had fallen along with him and been crushed.  
“Fuck, why am I even doing this! All I came out here to do was pass out and never wake up!” he yelled, laying an arm over his eyes to block out the rising sunlight.  
She slumped down next to him, checking out the damage on the sensor.  
“That makes two of us.”  
Murphy reached into his jacket to retrieve the alcohol, passing it to Raven. She took it without hesitation.  
Atop the silent mountain, the sun slowly rising, Murphy and Raven each took solace in the mutual, but unspoken, agreement to ignore the world just for this moment. However, there was no silence inside Murphy’s head, an old song from the Ark playing over and over.

_I’ll hide from the world_  
_Behind a broken frame_  
_And I’ll burn forever_  
_I can’t face the shame_


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I just want to be left alone!”

Raven sat away from the camp fire, eating. It was dark, and she was alone.  

“Hey Raven,” said Clarke, approaching.  
 “Hey,” Raven gave a weak smile.  
“Talk to me, how’ve you been? I know you’re hurting.” Said Clarke.  
“I’m okay… I don’t want to talk about it…” Raven said.  
“I know that, but if you bury it, it will only get worse.”  
 “I’d like to be left alone.”  
“That’s not an option, we’re worried, and we’re here for you.” Clarke said forcefully.  
“I just want to be left alone!” Raven raised her voice. She stood, saying, “I’m finished, I’ll see you around.” And walked away from Clarke.  
  
Dumping her dishes at the makeshift kitchen, she was running over the short conversation in her mind. _How dare she… She has no idea what I’m going through. She thinks she can control every person in this camp…_ Working herself up, she stomps around the tents to the unused area behind the crash that is serving as headquarters. The anger boiled up inside her, indignant at the world around her. Walking along side the back of the metal ship, she tripped over some gear piled against it, and fell. “Fucking hell! Can’t I catch a fucking BREAK?!” Raven yelled, trying to pull her braced leg out from under scrap metal.  
Suddenly Murphy appeared, chuckling.  
“Stampy having a little trouble?” he asked, smirking.  
“Fuck off Murphy!”  
“Nah I think I’ll hang around and watch the show.” He didn’t move to help her, merely leant against the wall, drinking and watching.  
Raven struggled but dislodged her leg, checking over the brace before pulling herself upright. She attempted to walk past Murphy, before he moved slightly to block her path.    
“What the fuck do you want? Can’t you see I’m not in the mood?” Raven asked, deadpan.  
“Maybe I can get you in the mood?” he winked.  
“In your dreams, psycho boy,” she spat, and walked around him, slipping on some plastic sheeting and falling over yet again.  
“Fucking hell! What, is it Fuck With Raven Day?” she grunted and pulled herself up using a metal post in the fence.  
“You’re a real gentleman, Murphy. You’re always willing to lend a hand,” she said sarcastically.  
“I don’t have a problem lending a hand, I just don’t think you need one.” He said, taking a swig of his drink.  
She looked at him, eyebrows raised, “wow, mind spreading that attitude around camp? According to Clarke I’m fully paraplegic, and need to be on suicide watch.” Murphy scoffed, “you’re fine. They need to back off.”   
“Thank you,” she said honestly, without her usual snide tone when interacting with Murphy.  
“What have you got there?” she gestured to his cup.  
“That cider from the grounders.”  
“I thought that was locked up for ‘special occasions’, as if that exists out here…” She asked.  
“Nothing’s off limits to someone determined enough.” he handed the cup over.  
She took a drink, “damn that’s good. Makes Monty’s distillery look like an oil rig.”  
Both leaning back against the metal hull, looking out over the valley and out at the night. They remained silent for what felt like an eternity. Raven feeling more relaxed than she had done in a long while. She breathed in the cool air, feeling content.  
“Why can’t they understand that… half of my life… chose to leave me, then died. I’m not just going to get over that in a week. Why can’t they just let me be?” she softly asked.  
“Because they’ve never and probably never will feel what you’re feeling right now.”  
“But Clarke’s dad died! Doesn’t she understand?” Raven asked.  
“She lived a lot of happy years before he was floated for standing up for what he believed in, and she had her mummy’s arms to run right into. She doesn’t know shit about pain.”  
“I guess…”  
“She doesn’t know what it’s like to be alone, for no one to care.”  
“And you do?”  
He laughed, drinking more, “Both my parents are dead, and I was locked up when I was 13. Now I’m here, I’m free, and more hated than ever.”  
“I didn’t know that about you.”  
 “Yeah, they’re not lying when they call me Psycho Boy. But ask me who made me this way… Your fucking precious council.”  
"What... What were you locked up for?" she asked tentatively.   
"Doesn't matter. I've been living in a cage for five years, whatever I did to get in there can't be worse than what they did in return."   
"What was it like?"  
"Look I'm not going to waste any of my precious time here thinking about that fucking place. Do you feel like talking about Finn?" Raven shook her head, "didn't think so."   
"Well, thanks for the drink... " she said, pushing away from the hull.   
"Don't-" Murphy said, but stopped.   
"Don't what?" Raven asked.   
"Was just gunna say, you don't have to leave." he said as he looked down.  
"What are we going to talk about? The weather?" she laughed.   
"It's fine, just go." Murphy said, looking out at the trees.   
Raven hesitated, before turning and walking back out from behind the metal hull.   
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! A bit of a filler chapter. I will be updating often so keep an eye out :)  
> Kudos, comments and suggestions appreciated!


	3. Octavia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought it was Octavia, under the floor of the drop ship.”

Twice now Raven had found herself in Murphy’s company, and it had actually been pleasant. She didn’t understand how she could feel anything but hate for him, she kept reminding herself he had done this to her, he had done terrible things. But… At her worst, her most vulnerable and most volatile, he had accepted her. He alone thought her capable, and didn’t pity her. Tonight she was actively seeking him; not for any reason, just that she felt rotten and he somehow made her laugh. He also somehow had the good alcohol.

Raven found Murphy’s run down ‘tent’, if you could call it that. A couple of ragged sheets of plastic attached to the side of the drop ship. His bed was decent enough, and he was splayed on it when she entered, apparently asleep. Raven took a moment to study him, quietly watching him. He looked peaceful, his face quiet, his brow un-furrowed.  
Suddenly embarrassed, she turned to leave, but heard rustling, and Murphy’s voice.  
“I thought it was Octavia.” he mumbled, reaching for his drink.  
“What?”  
He breathed in, mustering some strength, but remained reclined. “I thought it was Octavia, under the floor of the drop ship.”  
He was talking about the shooting. She really didn’t want to deal with this right now, but this was new. She hadn’t heard this. Granted, Murphy wasn’t one to over share. “What made you think that?” she asked.  
“Bellamy. Said so.” Murphy said, pulling himself up to lean on the metal ship. Silently sipping his drink, he continued.  
“I wanted to hurt him. He was yelling at the floor trying to tell Octavia to get out, there was a gun, to get out.. I wanted to hurt him. Hurting her would hurt him more than any fist or knife.”  
She didn’t know why, but this meant something to her. He hadn’t been firing off rounds blindly, he was intentionally trying to hurt someone… but he was trying to hurt the person that had hurt him. Bellamy. She was not sure that she was ready to let Murphy know that.  
“The fact remains I only have one working leg. Cheers.”  
“Yeah. I… I never would.. Of all the people at camp, I would never have shot at you. If I knew who it was under there.”   
“What makes me somehow better than the rest? You shouldn’t have fucking shot at anybody!”  
He closed his eyes, unaffected by her shouting. He spoke softly, “I was trying to hurt the person who hung me, without trial, even though I was innocent.”  
Raven looked at his neck, saw the scarring from the rope burn when he had been taken down; just in time. Saw the deep lashes that had scarred his whole back, creeping up over his shoulders, from his torture with the Grounders. Watched his gnarled fingernails, some had not grown back properly. At the moment he had blood on his hands from preparing the animals from the hunt that had not fully washed off.  
He spoke again, “somehow people forget that. I was innocent. I never killed anyone, until after I got hanged. No one cared, gave ‘em an excuse to hate me openly, like they always had inside. They loved it.”  
Raven found she couldn’t argue against this. When he put it like that, he was absolutely right. They had created the murderer they saw Murphy to be. She didn’t feel pity though, she felt admiration. She needed to get out this tent and get some fresh air.  
“I… have to go.” She said lamely.  
“Leave the drunkard to himself, his insipid lies will only confuse and confuddle the listener! Beware! The murderer!” He sloppily threw his arms in the air, exclaiming as animatedly as he could while exhausted and drunk.  
She didn’t smile. She felt a need to explain that she wasn’t scared; she wasn’t sure if she even blamed him anymore. She stood in the doorway, tent held open, looking back at him. Without thinking she walked back to him, leant over him.  
“Hey pretty lady, come to service me?” he laughed to himself.  
She lowered down and kissed him softly on the head, touching the side of his face gently, before striding out into the night, leaving Murphy with a face of bemusement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Any comments, kudos or suggestions welcome :)


	4. Wick

“Ow! What was that for!” Raven asked, rubbing her upper arm.   
“It’s a loving greeting from your old pal from Engineering,” grinned Wick.   
“Oh God, not you… ” she said, jokingly upset, “and down here we’re both mechanical engineers, so no point lording that title over me.”   
“Regardless of where I am in the universe, the fact remains; I’m an engineer. Which means I’m smarter than you.” He said confidently, laughing.   
“You’re aware I chose to be a Zero G mechanic. I rejected Engineering. Basically, that makes you my reject.” She smirked and continued working.   
“Whatever! More money- ”    
“Total sausage fest…” she muttered.   
“- and less crawling around in sweaty ventilation shafts.”   
“You scared of sweaty shafts? They unnerve you, do they? Some say that’s a clear indication of an attraction to sweaty shafts themselves…”   
“Yeah they do. I definitely can’t say I’m an expert, unlike you, wrench monkey.” Said Wick, smiling at her old nickname.   
“I can’t help it, they can barely keep their hands off me. Unlike you, who is not so much a shaft but a crumpled up, flaccid spacesuit. I don’t hear old rubbery space suits are under high demand these days.”   
At that he grabbed her, they tousled around the workroom, exchanging playful punches. As the fight escalated, shrill laughs and shrieks coming from Raven, she inevitably tripped due to her brace, and fell. Wick grabbed her arm just in time, though she was awkwardly half on the floor, and Wick released her. They sat together on the floor, catching their breaths.   
In a tentative voice, Wick asked, “how’ve you been? Haven’t seen you around much.”   
She didn’t look at him, “I’ve been around. Been keeping busy.”   
“Maybe you should, y’know, take some time. To think about it… Finn.”   
“I would, except every time I do I get this stabbing feeling and start hyperventilating and feel like I’m about to die. It’s not like going for a nice walk and reminiscing, then come back to camp, say hi to a friend and get to work. It’s; peek in for three seconds, and the floodgate explodes open, with no hope for repair. I don’t, I can’t… Do anything else. But think. It incapacitates me in a way my leg never could. Just saying this is physically hurting me, Wick,” her voice that was so strong at the beginning started to break, “I know you can’t understand that but I want to stop and I don’t want you to bring it up again. Please.”   
She looked up at him expectantly.   
“Okay, it’s okay, I won’t. I’m sorry.” Wick said, pulling her into a hug.   
They had known each other a long time, and whenever Raven needed anything from his department, she chose to associate with Wick, one of the least big-headed engineers on the Ark, and one of the most gifted.   
“Let’s get ourselves some grub,” he said, and they stood and made their way out to the camp fire.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later, Raven is lying in her bed, trying to get comfortable. Getting to sleep is always a hassle, her back being so sore after a day of uneven weight due to her dead leg and heavy brace. She notices a shuffling noise outside her tent, and calls out. The noise stops. She hears a throat clearing.   
“Ah, wrench monkey, it’s me,” she heard Wick’s voice call through the tent.   
“Well get in here, I’m not exactly about to _jump up_ and answer the door…” she replied, smiling, amused at her own words.   
Sitting up and coming to rest at her elbows, her blanket fell down to reveal her wearing an unevenly cropped tank top that served as pyjamas, and her underwear.   
_It’s only Wick_ , she thought, not bothering to cover up.   
As Wick entered the tent, his eyes widened at the image of her, glowing in the candlelight. He turned around, bringing his hand up to scratch the back of his head.  
“You okay there? Am I in trouble?” Raven asked.    
“You wanna, maybe, cover up?” Wick said, his back still turned.   
Raven looked confused, “I didn’t realise my skin offended you…” she mumbled.   
He turned back around. “It’s not that! It’s- you’re- Jesus, wrench monkey, I didn’t realise what you had going on under that soldering visor…”   
She grinned, “oh it’s like that is it? This just too much for my little engineer?” she said, gesturing to her body, “you know what they say, if you can’t handle the heat…”  
“Hey, I can handle it. This kitchen’s just right, in fact.”   
“Oh really? Prove it.” Her casual tone was betrayed by her dark eyes, staring intently into Wick’s.   
He walked over to her, the silence unusual between the two of them. The air was usually filled with jokes and insults.   
He bent to bring them face to face, still looking directly into her eyes. The tension was palpable, Raven no longer grinning but apprehensive, cautious.   
Wick slowly kissed her, electricity sparking between them. Deepening the kiss, Wick still held back, not wanting to push her.   
He pulled back, “Raven, are you sure?”   
“I think so… I trust you, Wick.” she said sincerely. “And also, it felt really good.” She added with a smile.   
“Did it now?” he raised an eyebrow, he leaned down to kiss her neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist and climbing into the bed.

 

-

 

 

As morning rose, the birds were chirping, and Raven found herself wrapped in strong, warm arms, and sighed contentedly, mumbling “morning Finn.”   
The arms tensed.   
She turned to look at the owner of the arms: Wick.   
_Fuck._   
“Fuck.” There was nothing more she could say, she couldn’t take it back.   
Wick didn’t so much as look at her, before getting up and dressing to leave.   
“You know it was an accident, I’m sorry, please don’t go.” She asked.   
He left without a word.

 

-

 

 

Wick had been stoically avoiding and ignoring her for days, leaving her to stew in her thoughts and feelings. She hadn’t really gotten close to anyone in the camp; she worked alone, and didn’t know anyone from lock up. Wick was her only friend left from her old life; now maybe she had lost him too. She couldn’t let that happen.  
Later that day, after dinner, as the people of the camp headed to bathe or remained around the fire speaking in low voices, Raven sought out Wick. Spotting him leaving the kitchen, she followed him.   
“Wick, wait up! Wick!” She called.   
He continued walking away.   
The exchange was attracting attention, as kitchen was busy this time of day.   
“Wick! Please!”   
He could ignore her but not the staring or the questions that would follow this scene.   
He stopped and waited for her to catch up, “what?” he asked, begrudgingly.   
“Please don’t do this to me. You’re all I have left.” Raven pleaded.   
“Great, so you only want me when there’s no one left. That warms me up inside Raven, really.”   
“‘Raven’” she repeated, hurt at the sudden use of her formal name.   
“I went to see you that night to tell you I had feelings for you… That I wanted to start something with you. You don’t know how happy I was when you started it for me. Guess I’m the idiot who read our relationship wrong.” Wick said.   
“No, Wick, you were right in thinking that. I do think about you like that… But it’s not that simple, you know my past, I don’t need to tell you.”   
“Yeah I know, I know. I just don’t know when I’m going to get out from under his shadow.”   
“I can’t give you an answer on that. Maybe tomorrow, maybe never. But I’d rather have you as a friend than not at all.”   
She was holding onto his arm for support.   
“I don’t know if I can do that,” moving to put both his arms on her sides gently, “I want you. I want to be with you.”   
“I’m sorry,” she said, moving away.

For a second time she watched Wick walk away in pain, pain that she had caused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!   
> Kudos, comments and suggestions appreciated :) :)


	5. Wires

Heavy footfalls towards the tent caused Raven to look up, seeing the tent open and revealing a bored-looking Murphy.   
“What do you want?” Raven asked in irritation, but turned back to her work.   
“Blame Princess. I’ve been assigned as some kind of, I don’t know, ‘helper’” Murphy said.   
“I don’t need someone cramping my work space and asking inane questions.”  
 “Until they actually act on my pardon and let me do what I’m good at, I’m yours,” he spread his arms wide and bowed.   
“You’re good at something? Imagine that!” Raven said.   
“Killing, hurting, being hurt… It’s my forte.” Murphy said with bravado.   
Raven turned to look at him, asking drily, “what do you mean, Murphy?”   
“They won’t let me handle weapons. I can’t hunt, can’t do sentry, which to be honest I’m not too bummed about. But it does suck being on earth and being locked up again. Hunting was fun, it’s good being out there, and I’m good at it.”   
“Don’t know why you’d be proud of having proficiency at death.”   
“It’s all I’ve got.”   
“That’s not true,” Raven scoffed, “don’t be so dramatic.”   
“Oh yeah? Tell me, expert of Me, am I kind hearted? Am I a good friend? Am I smart?” he challenged, comically listening with attention.   
“You can lead, it was kind of impressive actually. You’re strong, you can fight; you can teach combat. Not to mention you’re not bad with your hands, you should be building weapons. Dunno why Bellamy hasn’t seen that yet. You are smart but you’ve never been taught anything.” She shrugged and moved away from her workstation to a pile of junk, grunting and shifting a few things around.   
Murphy didn’t reply. He watched her work.   
A while later she waved him over. “I’ve organised this area so you have something to do. I want you to pull everything apart and categorise it.” Raven instructed.   
“Into what categories?” he asked, eyeing the pile of broken radios, metal boxes with wires poking out, all kinds of technology she had evidently been squirrelling away.   
“Well, materials. Plastics, metals, rubber, glass, wires, chips, jacks…” Looking at the enormous pile, he nodded his head.   
She went back to her table to work on her current project, curious to see how Murphy would work.   
  
A few hours had passed. Murphy and Raven had worked in silence, until now. Raven was grunting in frustration and had actually thrown her pen across the room.   
“What’s the issue, boss?” Murphy asked.   
“Math!” She stood up, walking away from her table, hands on hips.   
“Isn’t your toyboy the engineer? Doesn’t he do the math and you do the hammering?”   
“Fuck off.” Raven said.    
“Okay, but really, just get him to do it. Why bother yourself?”   
“I’m not… We’re not… I can’t ask him, okay!”   
“Ohhhh I see, you’re not being serviced by him anymore?” Murphy asked.   
She slapped him over the back, “I was never “being serviced” you disgusting pig, we had sex once. But he’s pissed, so, no engineer for me.”   
“What’d you do? Not let him finish?” he asked, smirking.   
“You’re really fucking gross. Get out if you’re going to be like that.”   
“Okay okay… There’s no way you can… Do whatever you’re doing… Without maths?”   
“I can’t even think of building without getting the numbers right.”  
 “So we have to get toyboy back on side?”   
“He’s not my ‘toyboy’! Why do you care anyway? I thought you didn’t have a heart or something equally stupid.” Raven asked.   
“It’s more fun than making piles.” He said honestly.   
“As much as I’d love to entertain you, this is not something I can fix. There’s nothing I can do. I don’t think he’ll ever come back…” she said softly.   
“Jesus, that bad? You must have fucked up!”   
“… I did.” She said.   
Pausing a moment, she shook it off. “Right, I have a better job for you, now that you’ve proven you can put the round peg into the round hole,” she told Murphy.  
“Do I get a gold star?” he asked with a wide open smile.   
“I need wires spliced.”

She taught him to splice wires, cutting the wires with pliers, carefully removing the plastic, and soldering the two wires together, before using electrical tape to cover the soon-to-be live wires. They worked closely at the table, Raven every so often adjusting Murphy’s technique or handing him a tool. Splicing was a simple but precise task, she wanted him to get it right. He was concentrating, and took to it easily.    
She smiled inwardly, “good job, knew you weren’t a complete airhead. I’m going to get back to my project.”   
Murphy didn’t respond, but kept working, and Raven left him.   
Only then did he stop with the pliers and looked over his shoulder at her, feeling unnervingly light and content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading :)   
> Let me know your thoughts!


	6. Use Me

He heard a muffled sob as he walked past a tent, Raven’s tent he thought.  
_She’ll be okay._ He continued past.  
A minute later he stopped, and walked back.  
_I’ll just listen and make sure it doesn’t get worse._  
He walked back, stopping at the side of the tent, in the shadows. Raven’s crying was in full force now, she wasn’t hiding it.  
_Should I go in there?_  
He walked slowly to the front of the ten, before turning back.  
_She doesn’t wanna see your fucking face._  
He went to the back of the tent and waited, just listening. He pulled his knife and continued whittling a figure he had been working on.  
_It’s getting worse._  
She was not only crying but had started mumbling, and she was definitely alone.  
_Even if she hates me I’ve got to check…_  
He put away his figure and tucked his knife into his pants at the hip. He wasn’t supposed to have it in the first place.  
He approached the front of the tent, clearing his throat.    
“Um, Raven? You okay in there?” he asked.She didn’t reply.  
“I’m coming in…” he slowly opened the tent.    
Raven was scrunched up into a ball sitting on the floor of the tent, head buried in her arms.  
He approached her as if she were a wild animal.  
“Raven, it’s okay.” he put his hand on her shoulder, and she immediately struck out at him.  
“GET AWAY FROM ME” she yelled. She turned and stood, lashing out at him, trying to attack Murphy. He was able to move back, but she wasn’t stopping.  
“I FUCKING HATE HIM” she screamed this time _. Finn_ , Murphy assumed. She was pushing Murphy’s chest now, trying to get him out of the tent.  
“Just let me stay, you can do whatever you want to me, but I’m not leaving.” Murphy decided however out of control she got, it was better if someone was there.  
“I don’t need you! You can fuck off!” she started pounding his chest now, getting increasingly harder.  
“I’m not leaving,” and she threw her whole arm back and punched him right in the side of the face.  
Murphy winced, gingerly touching his cheek, “impressive, Stampy.”  
She looked shocked, “I’m sorry,” retreating from him.  
“You need to get it out. Finn really fucking screwed you. And not in a good way.” Murphy said.  
“I need to take it out on him, not you. And now I can’t.”  
“You can use me. Go on, hit me.” Murphy asked, seriously.  
“Don’t be stupid.”  
“Okay I’ll get into character,” Murphy said, standing up straight with his hands on his hips, imitating Finn, ‘We don’t need guns, we just need love and peace!”  
Raven looked irritated.  
“Not doin’ it for ya? How about this…” he affected a simpering tone, “Clarke, you’re perfect and gorgeous… I don’t know if three days is too soon… But… I love you…”  
 Raven punched him right in the nose. “FUCK!” Murphy howled, blood running down his face “okay, that’s good, again!”  
She punched him in the stomach, he bent double and fell to the floor. Raven using her good leg, kicked him in the stomach while he was down, “Fuck you Finn,” she dropped down to her knees, her punches getting weaker but still going into Murphy’s side, “I didn’t fucking deserve that! You’re fucking scum!”  
Her punches became half hearted jabs, hanging her head now, “I didn’t deserve that.”  
 She stopped altogether now, sobbing, her body shaking.  
Murphy sat up to face her, easing himself into a less painful position and wiping blood off his face with the back of his hand. He gently put his hands on Raven’s shoulders, and she started to cry harder. He pulled her towards him, hugging her tightly, and she grabbed the front of his shirt, crying into it.    
“I didn’t deserve that,” she mumbled.  
“No, you didn’t.” Murphy said.  
She looked up at him, their faces close. Murphy was covered in blood, Raven covered in sweat. She moved forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, they stayed frozen for a split second before Murphy began to kiss her back with enthusiasm.  
Murphy pulled Raven onto her lap, so she was straddling him. They continued to kiss, Raven’s hands in his hair, Murphy holding her around the waist. She moved to get comfortable, and felt something metal pushing into her thigh, pulling back, she lifted his shirt and removed it; a knife. She gasped, then looked at him.  
He took the knife from her, “it’s okay,” he held her waist with one hand and used his other to hold the knife and pull something out of his jacket pocket; the figure, “I gotta occupy my time somehow.”  
He handed her the figure; it was a crudely carved woman with long hair, with what looked like a brace around one leg.  
Raven studied it for a minute, before moving to leave his lap, “I shouldn’t be doing this,”  
“It’s okay, I know we’re not going to be sweethearts,” he pulled her back, “but I wouldn’t mind not being alone for a little while…”  
“Just for tonight?” she asked gently.  
He looked up, “sure. I said ‘use me’, didn’t I?” Murphy said, smiling.  
She bent down and resumed kissing him, before he stood, taking her with him, and laying down on the bed.  
_She may not like me but we’re in the same boat_. They laid on their sides, intertwined, kissing and pushing themselves close for a long time. He ran his hands through her hair, and over her body. Raven eventually fell asleep, held in Murphy's arms. 


	7. Colour

Raven was staring intently at a pile of wires.   
The plastic sheet that served as a door to the tent was held open, revealing Murphy’s smirking face, pausing the appraise the scene.   
Sauntering in, his cargo pants hung low (no one really had their perfect fit or first choice around here), it was warm so he had only a tattered grey t shirt covering his top half. Along with his scars and unkempt hair, Raven thought he didn’t look half bad.  
“What’s happening Raven?”   
She smiled. "Just trying to work out how to get rid of these god damn pests…” Murphy looked confused.   
“Insults don’t seem to affect them… Nor does banishment…”   
He caught on. “Yeah, I can’t help being so tough and strong, it’s a curse,” he said, flexing his biceps comically.   
Raven laughed, “your timing is great actually. Come help me.”   
“What are you doing?” he asked, looking over her shoulder.   
“Trying to collect red wires.”   
“And you need me?”   
“I’m colour blind.” She stated.   
“Really? I didn’t know that. Aren’t wires kind of a big part of mechanical systems…? Did you just bluff your way into Zero G?”   
She elbowed him. “The Ark had wires that were labelled, printed on the plastic. Exactly for this kind of thing. Guess they figured an Ark mechanic would never make it to the ground and be using hundred-year-old tech.”   
“Well you’re in luck, colours are my best subject!”   
She loved the way Murphy didn’t make a big deal out of everything. Make a joke and move on. It was relaxing, therapeutic even, to be around him. He wasn’t even weird about her leg, whereas most people in camp treated her like a porcelain doll.   
Raven shuffled over and Murphy sat down to work, shoulder to shoulder. He assembled a pile of red wires and she tested their usability.   
They worked in silence until the sun had well and truly set.   
“I can barely see what I’m doing.” Said Murphy.   
“Yeah, let’s go grab something to eat.”   
“You go ahead,” Murphy said, “I’m going to keep working.”   
“Don’t be stupid! I may be colour blind but I can detect night time.”   
“Really, you go eat. I’ll catch up with you later.”   
“Murphy what’s your deal? Come with me. I don’t exactly love being around the King and the Princess these days.”   
Murphy began ‘working’ on the wires, though 'fiddling' was a more accurate description.   
“I don’t eat with them.”   
“Who is ‘them’?” Raven asked.   
“Everyone here. Aside from you.”   
“Oh… I guess I never noticed your absence.” she replied awkwardly.   
“Yeah didn’t think anyone did. It’s fine,” he chuckled, seeing her tense posture. “Not that most of them mind. It’s better for everyone.”   
“You’re a valuable part of this camp, you shouldn’t be made to feel that you need to hide away.”   
“I’m not hiding! I just can’t stand the staring. Anyway, I don’t associate with lower life forms.” Raven laughed.   
“Come sit with me, keep me company,” she said, throwing an arm around Murphy’s shoulder, looking comical as he was so much taller than her.   
“They won’t stare after they see my ice cold glare, I promise.”   
They left the tent and walked over to the communal food area, and as predicted by Murphy, almost everyone was staring. More at the two of them together, the odd pairing. Raven didn’t care at all but it was clear Murphy was uncomfortable.   
“Why does it bother you? You have pretty thick skin.” asked Raven.   
“I don’t care what they think of me, I don’t like all the attention, everyone watching me all the time.”   
They got their meagre portions of watery stew and sat to one side of the camp, their backs against the make shift fence.   
“Sweet, three whole chunks of mystery meat!” He joked.   
“Lucky! I only got one!!”   
He spooned one of his pieces of meat into her bowl, “there, now we’re even,” Murphy said.   
Smiling despite herself, she accepted and they ate in silence for a while, watching the people of the camp eating, talking and laughing.   
“Do you really hate them?” asked Raven.   
“No,” he said honestly, “but I can’t have a normal conversation with almost anyone. When I am around them I see their screaming faces cheering on my hanging, chanting ‘Bellamy! Bellamy!’ As annoying as Clarke is, she tried to stop it. So did Finn, and Jasper and Monty. I won’t forget that.”   
“I can’t imagine what that’s like…”   
“No one can. That’s why they don’t understand… How I act, how I _am_.”   
“I wish I could.”   
“No,” Murphy replied quickly, “I don’t want you to be able to understand, that would mean going through what I went through. Just being… How we are… Is more than enough.”   
“You can say it, Murphy, _friends_. We’re friends.” Raven said.   
He smiled at her for a moment, before reverting back to his usual joking manner.   
“Whoa, whoa… I don’t know if I’m ready for a commitment right now… It’s not you, it’s me.”   
They both began to laugh loudly, and without thinking, Murphy unintentionally mirrors Raven’s gesture, draping an arm over her shoulder and pulling her close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading my little fic :)   
> Any comments and ideas are welcome!


	8. Forgiveness

“FUCK!!!”  
Murphy ran to Raven’s tent, where the ‘fuck’ had come from.   
She both slept and worked in here; she barely left it. It was ridiculous, her sleeping area filled with wires, gunpowder, explosive chemicals, and often a red hot fire for soldering.   
Murphy shot inside without warning, she was ripping her top and bra off, before seeing Murphy and screaming.   
“What are you doing in here?!” she asked, turning her back on him.   
“I heard something, I thought you were hurt!” Murphy replied.   
“I spilt acid on myself, it’s okay though it didn’t get my skin.” He looked at her for a moment while her back was turned, beautiful skin with hair running down her back, gorgeous hips holding up her grimy cargos, with black boots.   
“That explains the nakedness… Here.” He took off his shirt and jacket, gave the shirt to Raven and kept the jacket to himself. Raven was swimming in the shirt; it was far too big.   
“You really should take a break.” He suggested.   
“Yeah I need to get rid of these clothes now anyway… Ruined… My only good bra.” Raven said.   
“I don’t think anyone will mind if you go without… it’s not a bad look.” He said, smirking and walking backwards in front of her to overtly check her out.   
She punched his arm, “shut up.” They walked out the tent to dispose of the burnt clothing in the fire.   
People looked up, seeing Raven with a guy’s shirt on, Murphy with no shirt at all, just an open jacket revealing his torso.   
“Guess we didn’t think this through,” said Murphy, irritated at the attention the pair were eliciting.   
Raven just laughed, “who cares? Let’s give ‘em a show!”   
She grabbed Murphy’s waist under his jacket, Murphy’s arm going up around her neck, both grinning.   
“Hey, we should go up to the top of the valley.” Murphy suggested.   
“Pretty sure we’re not allowed to go out of camp whenever we want. King Bellamy will see to that.”   
“You forget, I’m a leper. No one cares what I do.”   
“Okay,” she replies, smiling. It really was a beautiful day, Raven was glad to be out of camp; out of that tent.   
  
Leaving camp had been easy, some of the people on sentry grumbled about Raven being out, but the pair didn’t stop to listen. Walking up the mountainside with a brace was tough but fun, Murphy made anything fun. By the time they got to the top the sun was beginning to set. They sat at the top overlooking the valley, as they had that day months ago. Raven was breathing hard and adjusting her brace to lie comfortably on the ground.   
“Does it ever hurt?” Murphy asked.   
“Nah, sometimes it feels like I almost have feeling.. Kind of.. It’s hard to explain.”   
“Do you think about it a lot?”   
“At first it was all I thought about, along with gutting you,” she grinned, “but I’m adjusted now. It doesn’t bother me. I just wish I had the materials to put together a better brace.” She said, fiddling with the joint.   
“How come you don’t… Hate me?” Murphy asked, while dragging a stick in the dirt.   
“ ‘Cause I understand.”   
“But you lost your leg… I can never fix that.” He said, still without looking at Raven.   
“It’s okay, I’ve accepted it. I’m not angry. It doesn’t really change my life that much, I can still work, I can still walk. It’s okay, really.”   
“I don’t understand how you can feel that way. I would want to kill me.”   
“I did want to kill you,” she said, “but I realised you were in a lot more pain than I was. You being honest with me made it easy to forgive.”   
“I don’t deserve forgiveness.”   
“I’ll be the judge of that. And anyways, I already forgave you a long time ago. Why else would I be sitting here with you? So I could push you down the hill and make it look like an accident? Actually, I should have thought of that before…. Damn, missed the perfect opportunity.” Raven joked.   
Murphy remained silent.   
“C’mon, you’re the only one in camp who isn’t weird about my leg, don’t start now!” she said.   
“Why would people be weird about it?” Murphy asked, looking at her now.  
“They think I need help, that I’m all ‘broken’ or something. Always fucking telling me to take it easy.”  
 “It’s obvious you’re the most capable person at camp. You built everything that we used to survive; the bomb, the bullets, radios, walkies, connecting us with the Ark, you fucking got here in an ancient metal coffin. Not to mention withstanding the pain of your forever-boyfie leaving you behind after about three seconds with Princess. None of that rode on your ability to move fast.” He said matter-of-factly.   
Raven stared at him, “that’s why I love you.” Raven hugged him, Murphy was shocked, but he didn’t let her see that, and hugged her back.   
  
  
  
_Everything about you is how I’d wanna be_  
 _Your freedom comes naturally_  
 _Everything about you resonates happiness_  
 _Now I won’t settle for less_  
 _Everything about you is so easy to love_  
 _They’re watching you from above_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are from the Muse song Bliss.   
> Thank you for reading!   
> I have to work on the next chapter before updating.   
> Leave a comment or kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Comment and let me know what you think!


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